The Clutter Hotline
Q. Hi Judi,
I'm writing from FL where my mom just entered hospice (at 94 - she had a good life) and I have a mountain of decisions to make about stuff. Where do I start? I've donated some to shelters and thrifts, but there is decent furniture, an older car, a $3,000 reading machine, some antiques and the like - all of which I'd like to sell. I don't know about e-bay and won't be here that long. Craig's list? How do you find a reputable broker or dealer? No neighbors or friends here. I'm at a loss to deal with anything but clothes. Any thoughts? Kathy
A. Hi Kathy,
You're really facing a challenge, aren't you? EBay can be good for things that aren't too heavy, since shipping is always an issue. Craigslist is better for furniture, and I think there are local chapters everywhere. Just type in craigslist and your area in Florida. You could also consider professional tag sale sellers who know the area and could come in and sell everything for you. You can find them listed with tag/yard sales in the local paper.
With the car, I would look for professional car buyers, the equivalent of carcass.com in New York.
If the reading machine isn't too large, I'd bring it home with you and sell it at your leisure for the best price you can get. That might be something for eBay.
You're right, 94 is a wonderful age to reach. My best wishes and warm thoughts to both you and your mom.
*****
Q. I understand that no matter how long you're gone, you only take a carry-on suitcase. How? Marianne T.
A. Before ATMs and digital cameras and e-tickets, travel seemed much more complicated. I had check lists of what we would need. But we've ditched the travel iron, boxes of film, and any electrical appliances (hair dryers, which we don't use, are in every hotel). On a high closet shelf I keep a bag with travel-sized shampoo, deodorant, toothpaste, aspirin, Dramamine, hair brush etc. that I can just grab rather than reinventing the wheel. And you can purchase everything you need these days, even in a souk in Morocco or a jungle lodge in the Amazon.
Especially if you're traveling around, there's no reason not to wear the same outfit every two or three days, bring two things dressier for dinner, and mix and match everything. One pair of shoes for walking and sandals for evening, a sweater for colder weather. Unless it's your honeymoon, one nightgown and bathing suit will do. My biggest problem is wanting to take too many books, but I guess that's what Kindles are for.
Believe me, other travelers don't care what you have on. And being able to wheel a carry-on bag everywhere and just go, is more than worth it.
Q. Dear Judi,
Your blog reminded me of Freecycle, something I had forgotten about. I went to their site, but only found things available to buy, and I am looking to list 'stuff' I have available.
Do you know what I am doing wrong? K.S.
A. These days when I have stuff to give away, I use Craigslist, Long Island. They have a whole area where you can list free things. Last year we had a 4' x 8' bookcase to give away and a man from Nassau County and his teenage son, a beginning book collector, came and picked it up. Lately I had a futon cover and mattress; a nurse working at a hospital nearby came for it. Craigslist is set up so that you hear from people via email, they don't have your phone or address when you list something That way you can decide where you want it to go. For instance, I'm not interested in passing things on to resellers who are looking for stuff to sell. I want to give it directly to someone who can use it.
_Q. I need to dispose of 50 pounds. I wish I could give it away. D. L.
A. Yeah. Wouldn't it be great if you could donate it to Oxfam? Some kinds of excess are harder to give away.
Q. How do I get my husband to declutter his computer room? He’s an officer in five organizations and has boxes and papers all over. Help! M.E.
A. Other people’s clutter is always tricky. You can set a good example with your own stuff; you can discuss the situation and tell him how you feel; and you can try and contain the other person’s clutter in just one area. You can’t in good conscience throw somebody else’s things away. On the other hand, you can get rid of community property--old flyers, outdated newspapers and magazines, empty paint cans, whatever else you know will never be missed. Packrat personalities tend to forget what they already have because they’re too busy accumulating more.
In this case, you can at least limit everything to your husband’s computer room; don’t let it creep into other parts of your home. If he’s amenable, offer to help him get rid of duplicate materials and encourage him to keep information on the computer instead of as hard copies. Those large book-like cases that Pam suggested last week for storage would keep the five organizations separate and make it easier to find specific items.
You could also suggest that he keep only current information in his office. Anything that doesn’t have to do with the present year could be stored somewhere else. Like in another officer’s home.
Q. Help, Judi. What do I do with huge bags of knitting yarn, other than throw them away? Z.K.
A. Funny, a member of my Psychology of Stuff class in the fall had the same situation. In her case, when a Veteran's Organization came to her house to pick up other stuff (increasingly they leave notices when they'll be in the neighborhood) , she offered them the yarn as well, which they were happy to take. I'm thinking that groups that do crafts like residential living facilities, schools, scouting organizations etc. might also be interested. My top choice would be to contact a knitting shop or store department to see what they suggest.
Update from Lucrezia L.: Suggestion re: what to do w/ left over yarn....here in Florida I belong to a group called Shawl Ministries. We knit/crochet items for those in need from infants to those in nursing homes and those in between....ex.funky chemo caps, warm scarves and hats for our service personnel, blankets for migrant workers and more. It's amazing what these woman can create from left over yarn. I'd be glad to take the yarn for our group but alas that's not going to work....unless your reader would like to send it all down to us. There are chapters of Shawl Ministries all over the US....perhaps there's one in her area that would welcome the donation.
*******************
Q. Why does the clutter come back so regularly on the kitchen counter and the dining room table? A.R.
A. It's true. You'd think it would have the decency to take itself up to the attic or slink into a closet rather than appropriate prime space. But clutter has its reasons, and as soon as you understand them, it's easier to prevent it. Things end up there because:
* We don't intend to leave our gloves or magazines or camera or health insurance forms on the table. Because the kitchen counter is just a temporary way-station, it seems safe to leave things there until we can deal with them. But clutter at rest tends to remain at rest.
* Stuff accumulates in those spots because they are central to the rest of the house. When we come in the door, it's the place of least resistance, the place to drop whatever we're carrying.
* We may think that if we see it, we won't forget to do something about it, that every time we walk by, we'll be reminded to read it or sort it or pay it or fill it out. But as soon as these visual cues are buried under the next layer of clutter, they're effectively lost to us.
So what's the answer?
* One solution is to make these areas off-limits. If your table gets underwater fast, I'd try something drastic, like setting the table with placemats or a tablecloth, dishes, even a centerpiece. Because plates break, people don't usually put stuff on top of them.
In the kitchen, when you start to put something on the counter that doesn't belong, tell yourself that the surface is sticky as honey, and that if you put a paper down on it you'll never get it up again. Remind yourself that there's nothing more attractive than a smooth countertop.
* Impose time limits. Before you go to bed every night, make sure the counters and tabletops are completely clear. If you're too tired to sort and put stuff away, toss it into a basket to be sorted the next day. Seeing the clutter-free surfaces in the morning will give you a lift.
* Have a place for everything. Sort the day's mail right into the recycling bag. Have a folder for bills and health forms to be completed, put invitations or event notices on the refrigerator door, have a shelf or basket for catalogs, library books, and magazines. Keys should go in your purse or on a hook, gloves in your coat pocket and so on.
* Whatever method you find convenient is the one that will work. Just keep at it until it becomes a habit.
**************
A. Yeah. Wouldn't it be great if you could donate it to Oxfam? Some kinds of excess are harder to give away.
Q. How do I get my husband to declutter his computer room? He’s an officer in five organizations and has boxes and papers all over. Help! M.E.
A. Other people’s clutter is always tricky. You can set a good example with your own stuff; you can discuss the situation and tell him how you feel; and you can try and contain the other person’s clutter in just one area. You can’t in good conscience throw somebody else’s things away. On the other hand, you can get rid of community property--old flyers, outdated newspapers and magazines, empty paint cans, whatever else you know will never be missed. Packrat personalities tend to forget what they already have because they’re too busy accumulating more.
In this case, you can at least limit everything to your husband’s computer room; don’t let it creep into other parts of your home. If he’s amenable, offer to help him get rid of duplicate materials and encourage him to keep information on the computer instead of as hard copies. Those large book-like cases that Pam suggested last week for storage would keep the five organizations separate and make it easier to find specific items.
You could also suggest that he keep only current information in his office. Anything that doesn’t have to do with the present year could be stored somewhere else. Like in another officer’s home.
Q. Help, Judi. What do I do with huge bags of knitting yarn, other than throw them away? Z.K.
A. Funny, a member of my Psychology of Stuff class in the fall had the same situation. In her case, when a Veteran's Organization came to her house to pick up other stuff (increasingly they leave notices when they'll be in the neighborhood) , she offered them the yarn as well, which they were happy to take. I'm thinking that groups that do crafts like residential living facilities, schools, scouting organizations etc. might also be interested. My top choice would be to contact a knitting shop or store department to see what they suggest.
Update from Lucrezia L.: Suggestion re: what to do w/ left over yarn....here in Florida I belong to a group called Shawl Ministries. We knit/crochet items for those in need from infants to those in nursing homes and those in between....ex.funky chemo caps, warm scarves and hats for our service personnel, blankets for migrant workers and more. It's amazing what these woman can create from left over yarn. I'd be glad to take the yarn for our group but alas that's not going to work....unless your reader would like to send it all down to us. There are chapters of Shawl Ministries all over the US....perhaps there's one in her area that would welcome the donation.
*******************
Q. Why does the clutter come back so regularly on the kitchen counter and the dining room table? A.R.
A. It's true. You'd think it would have the decency to take itself up to the attic or slink into a closet rather than appropriate prime space. But clutter has its reasons, and as soon as you understand them, it's easier to prevent it. Things end up there because:
* We don't intend to leave our gloves or magazines or camera or health insurance forms on the table. Because the kitchen counter is just a temporary way-station, it seems safe to leave things there until we can deal with them. But clutter at rest tends to remain at rest.
* Stuff accumulates in those spots because they are central to the rest of the house. When we come in the door, it's the place of least resistance, the place to drop whatever we're carrying.
* We may think that if we see it, we won't forget to do something about it, that every time we walk by, we'll be reminded to read it or sort it or pay it or fill it out. But as soon as these visual cues are buried under the next layer of clutter, they're effectively lost to us.
So what's the answer?
* One solution is to make these areas off-limits. If your table gets underwater fast, I'd try something drastic, like setting the table with placemats or a tablecloth, dishes, even a centerpiece. Because plates break, people don't usually put stuff on top of them.
In the kitchen, when you start to put something on the counter that doesn't belong, tell yourself that the surface is sticky as honey, and that if you put a paper down on it you'll never get it up again. Remind yourself that there's nothing more attractive than a smooth countertop.
* Impose time limits. Before you go to bed every night, make sure the counters and tabletops are completely clear. If you're too tired to sort and put stuff away, toss it into a basket to be sorted the next day. Seeing the clutter-free surfaces in the morning will give you a lift.
* Have a place for everything. Sort the day's mail right into the recycling bag. Have a folder for bills and health forms to be completed, put invitations or event notices on the refrigerator door, have a shelf or basket for catalogs, library books, and magazines. Keys should go in your purse or on a hook, gloves in your coat pocket and so on.
* Whatever method you find convenient is the one that will work. Just keep at it until it becomes a habit.
**************
